Number Two

I realize that I may be confusing a few of you.  I realize that this shouldn't be shocking at all.  So, here comes another year.  Hey, I got married last month.  Yes, the hottest internet relationship ever has been officially made official.  Officially.  Oh, did I mention that Bimbo Baggins is incubating my super seed?  Well, I just did.  We're expecting May 20th and hoping for a boy.  We actually have agreed to play out our suicide pact if the fucking stork brings a girl.  Why?  Because there is no room for another banshee in this townhouse.  Let's see, I'm trying to update the blogger faithful on happenings in the World of Whorecraft...oh, the animals.  The fucking animals.  Since two of Slutty McSlutterson's cats decided they would rather live in the nursery next door, we have been furiously adopting animals to replace them.  Or fill some odd emotional defficiency.  Yeah, let's go with the defficiency thing.  Here's the tally, for those of you keeping score at work:

1 Snake
1 Chiuahua
1 Blind, Deaf, Mildly Retarded Cat

I found the snake under my truck on our driveway.  He was alive and I was quick to capture him.  We decided to keep him, snakes are pretty low maintenance, right?  Yep.  He has been with us two months now and enjoys goldfish.  His name is Trowser.  As in Trowser Snake.  I'm proud of that one.

Shortly after we were blessed with a chiuahua named Stevie.  I am a small dog type of spirit and I was thrilled to get this one.  He is ubercalm, handsome like his father, and likes to hump things.  He's about forty per cent cock.  Again, a chip off the old...well, me.  Being as how I refuse to associate with anything 'Stevie', the dog has been dubbed 'Axel'.  Because I can't get over Gun's N Roses.  Seriously, I wanted to name my first born Axel, but, oddly enough, that didn't set well with anyone.  Fuckers. 

While I can understand people paying to visit a zoo, it would appear that the Mrs. and I are paying to LIVE in one.  Craigslist, I'm blaming you for this one.  The Mrs. found an ad for a 'special needs' kitten.  That's right, a retarded cat.  This cat is pretty small and won't grow anymore due to abuse suffered at the hands of her first owner.  Also, the cat is pretty blind and mostly deaf.  We aren't totally sure on the deaf thing, but it really seems that way.  After sorting through all possible names for such a handicapped animal (Helen Keller, Corky, Nacho, and a few others) the Mrs. landed on 'Fishstick'.  I'm slow to argue the motherfuckery that led to the adoption, I'm not going there, but I guess Fishstick is a good name for a retarded cat.  No?   What the fuck do you know, anyway? 

So, those are the new animals at the Ghost Hooker Pad.  I will continue updating the blogger faithful during my break from studies.  Stay tuned, big Cadillacs and fake boobs are on the horizon. 


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